i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
