I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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