If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
