I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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