He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
