yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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