at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
