Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
