Your dad touched me again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
