I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize