yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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