Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
