we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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