This is not my ceiling
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
