I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My pussy is not your playground.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
