So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
