I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You need Xanax blowdarts
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
