The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
