Where is the hickey?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
