I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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