Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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