what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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