This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
