and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful