Banned from zoo.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...