Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
