Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sarcasm needs its own font
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
