You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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