oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.