Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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