I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
