I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
