k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize