So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
