got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
