grandma shit on top of the toilet
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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