I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
