does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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