I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
