My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
