is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
