I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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