if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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