Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
