Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
