just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
