I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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