i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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