I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
