Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
