So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I will be naked everywhere
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
third nipple confirmed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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