My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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