I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
