my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
