She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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