So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
