I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
