Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
