I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
