Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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