maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
