This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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