The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize