She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
