Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
