He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
