he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
