His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
