The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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