So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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