if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
