Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
