Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
