sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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