I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
