Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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