A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
