We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
