I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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