Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
