you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
