"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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