mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
