why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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