why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
