I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
