we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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